Author: Dr Glendon Farrow, OAM, FRACS

I joined as an infantryman with Melbourne University Regiment in 1977 and ended up a Commanding Officer and full Colonel by 2012. Along the way I’ve had to learn the language which, like surgery, can be incomprehensible. Here are examples, some old, some new, but all timeless.

Greatcoats on, Greatcoats off
You prepare for an urgent deployment, which is then cancelled without explanation

Hurry up and wait
You drop everything to get to a remote airfield, then wait three days

I’m alright Jack
Selfishness. Contraction of ‘I’m all right Jack, bugger the rest of you’.

Jack rations
Extra food brought by individuals for personal consumption. Considered by others to be fair game. If not shared the individual is considered Jack as in ‘I’m alright Jack’.

FRED
Field ration eating device. Also ‘effing ridiculous eating device’. Combination can opener, bottle opener and spoon. Prized by US forces and jungle rats.

Jungle Rat
Small nocturnal marsupial, rarely seen, native to Jungle Training Centre, Canungra. Opens rations with what I swear was a Fred. Enjoys sharing sleeping bags.

Ration pack (patrol, individual)
Rat packs, preferred food of jungle rats. Comes in varieties A to G with different menus. However, only one variety is ever available for weeks on end. Culinary delights include tinned cheese, freeze dried coffee, Spam and sweetened condensed milk in a tube. (see Jack rations)

MREs (meals ready to eat)
Dehydrated rations. Small and light but require water. Not well thought through. Also known as ’meals rejected by everybody’.

Oxygen thief
A person of limited intelligence without insight who always makes things worse.

Waste of Rations
See oxygen thief

WOFTAM
Criticism of a project or person. ‘Waste of effing time and money’, abbreviated to WOTAM in polite company

FIFO
‘Fit in or eff off.’ Well-meaning, constructive career advice given to oxygen thieves.

Comfy bum
Toilet paper. You can never have too much.

Bumph
Useless paperwork required before doing a task. Ubiquitous at NSW Health.

Safety Brief
Instructions given by aircraft loadmaster on what to do in the event of a crash

Russian Safety Brief
’We crash, you die’.

Brew up

Fire inside an armoured vehicle.

 

 

Steyr rifle
Your best friend, with whom you will train, eat and sleep with. Characteristics include:
•    A safe end and a naughty end. Never point the naughty end at anyone, ever.
•    A safety catch. Always have the safety on. To clear a Steyr requires the safety to be on, then off, then on again. If it stops firing put the safety on, then off, then on, then off again to recommence firing. It’s very simple.

Unauthorised discharge
Distinct from STI. Accidental firing of a weapon. Often happens to specialists. Follow the sequence of safety on, off, on again, off again, on yet again then finally off, pull the trigger and safety back on. Simples.

(To) Brass up
To fire your weapon through a hospital because you pulled the trigger with the safety catch off and the naughty end pointing up. It happens …

Two-way rifle range
Where targets return fire. Alarming if unexpected. Usually (but not always) on deployment.

‘Pack off, rack off’
Immediate action when confronted by overwhelming numbers on a two-way rifle range. If a surgeon needs a weapon we are probably losing.

Sir
A form of address used for officers. Can be delivered respectfully, or dripping with sarcasm by Warrant Officers.

Saluting trap
When ordinary ranks deliberately walk past an officer at 10 metre intervals inducing repeated salutes. Can result in Erbs palsy.

Cut away
To disengage from an annoying individual or situation. Related to ‘hang up’ when a loadmaster cuts your static line if you find yourself dangling from an aircraft like Tom Cruise.

Chairs millionaires
Folding canvas chair usually occupied by Warrant Officers looking smug because they remembered to bring one.

Stick snakes
Nocturnal snake, which strikes unseen resulting in panic, immediate first aid, helicopter evacuation and administration of polyvalent anti venom until someone realises it was just a stick. Frequently attacks New Zealanders with no experience of snakes.

Soldier proof
Something designed so well not even a soldier can break it.

Pogo
Rear echelon logistics wallah who jumps up and down for no reason.

Pongo
An African ape and also derogatory naval term for infantrymen who smell and are not wanted nearby, as in ’pong go’.

Pusser
Derogatory term for sailors due to their white hats.

Pusser’s rum
95.5 proof navy rum used for paint stripping, polishing equipment and also human consumption

SCRAN
‘Something’ cooked by the Royal Australian Navy. (see Jack rations)

RAP
Regimental Aid Post. Tent over a hole in the dirt where you are expected to perform miracles, sometimes with a FRED.

Huey
Bell UH-1H Iroquois helicopter. Sadly, no longer in service. The Harley Davidson of helicopters—old, classic and noisy. Known for its robust versatility, characteristic rotor noise and ability to play Wagner at high speed and low level.

HUET course
Helicopter underwater escape training. Involves being strapped into an aircraft frame, submerged in a pool, turned upside down and expected to escape. Clears the sinuses.

BZ (Bravo Zulu)
Well done (on surviving the HUET course).

Batman
You will not have a batman. Bring your own outfit and wear it in theatre to be considered for discharge on medical grounds.

These are just a few of the terms you might hear on joining up. As a recruit always remember, 'if it moves salute it, if it doesn’t paint it white'.